I work in a hospital. I'm an Orderly, this is my job title. Personally I think a more appropriate title would be "Gofer" because its generally what I am told to do my entire day. Tim 'Go For' Mr Bennett - he's due for his embolisation. Tim 'Go Fer' two paxels of O negative - Mr Bennett is bleeding out. Tim 'Gofer' Mr Bennett's right hand side - we need to hold him still to stop the seizing. And finally, Tim 'Gofer' the M-trolley - Mr Bennett needs to be taken to the morgue.
I've been present at exactly three deaths in the eleven or so months I've been an Orderly. Every time it has had an extremely profound effect. The doctors and nurses I've spoken to about it say that I will get used to it - I don't think I necessarily want to. When someone dies you can feel a presence leave the room, almost like someone really has just walked out. I'm not religious so I'm not hinting that this could be any form of soul or other spiritual happening but I do find it interesting. Another thing I always find interesting is my knee-jerk reaction whenever this occurs...I get the giggles. I assume its got something to do with being nervous. Everyone in the room is so solemn, no one knows where to look, usually the doctor will be angry and cursing. The first time I just stared at the ground, my heart was beating so fast, just moments ago the room had been so full of activity - excitement - but now everyone was still. I started getting this nervous shaking deep in the pit of my stomach, working its way up into my chest. It came out initially as a cough and everyone looked in my direction - I turned and walked out the door holding my breath all the way to the bathroom where I burst into laughter.
The second time I wasn't so lucky, I wasn't able to excuse myself as they needed the CT machine, where the patient had arrested, to continue the days work - the body needed to be taken away. A nurse and I started unplugging the various cords and leads attached the the body I was shaking, holding it in but it came out - soft whimpering giggles they even sounded ashamed. I knew the varied people in the room were taking notice but I didn't look at any of them, hiding my eyes and busying myself with whatever I could - giggling all the while. A couple of days after this I found myself speaking so the staff psychologist who said it was really nothing more than a nervous reaction - there was nothing mentally wrong with me, I could have told her that an hour ago.
So now its just something I have to put up with. By the third time I didn't bother masking it. Hey, at least it lightens the mood.
6 comments:
At least it's not nevrous-farting or nervous-masturbating, which could get messy if their's work that needs doing.
it's bizarre, but i actually think that i'd have a similar reaction, it's like when i'm in an elevator full of people forcing silence, i always start chuckling.
what's also bizarre is that, even though i'd heard you describe that before, i still found it engaging.
quite often there is already a lot of bodily fluid and smells in the room - my nervous farting or masturbating wouldn't make much of a difference.
does the smell change when someone dies? i can imagine that the shift in the air would slow down because there's one less person inhaling/exhaling.
perhaps that adds to the feeling of a presence leaving the room.
o wait, of course the smell would change, people shit themselves like no one is watching when they die. how undignified.
Best way to go out. in a hail of shit.
But I'm thinking I'd have the same reaction. I've been around 2 things when they died. The first was a bird and I was like 8, so meh, nothing. But the second was a cat that got hit by a truck... My first reaction: Waves of laughter. I dunno what it was, but I just laughed at this dying cat suddenly become dead... Also it flipped underneath the truck, may have added to the humour.
I'm full aware I'm going to hell.
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