Acid

See now I don't need to try acid when music videos like this exist, really REALLY REALLLLY HORRIBLE CRAZY ASSS VIDEOS LIKE THIS...

Cruises are bad, mmmkay

My afternoon

Mum: How was your first day at university?
Me: Yeah, really good. Pretty much what I expected.
Mum: Oh that’s good. Understanding is half the battle.
Me: Yep.
Mum: So with your 21st birthday, did you still want to go on a cruise?
Me: Yeah, I think it’d be fun. But it’s like 3 years away.
Mum: (aggressively) You know that cruises are all about bonking and drinking yourself stupid? Is that what you’re about, is it?
Me: (in a where-the-fuck-did-that-come-from tone) I hadn’t really thought about it that much.
*I depart*

Gosh whadda beeatch. It's not like she's having her period at 54.

Bank Wank

Eric Bana had been swimming in my brain and sparking my arousal all afternoon. It was in the 3 o’clock brightness of my office that he nudged gently at my loins. My eyes began to twinkle with anticipation. My lips inverted to grin. I was even more turned on than Energy Australia. And the Oscars were on tonight and I’d want to gawk at the fashion disasters in the pre-awards show. There’d be no saying hello to my monster at home. I had to spank my monkey at the Reserve Bank, it was my only opportunity for Bana-rific release. My heartbeat amplified with each impending step towards the Level 16 bathrooms, where I knew I’d be uninterrupted. And there was an ambience in those newly refurbished lavatories, where the lighting was soft and sexy. I closed the door of the farthest cubicle reserved for disabled people, in a way I felt crippled without any visual stimuli, so it felt appropriate. My mind’s eye would have to serve my increasingly stiffening cock. My visualisations were continually interrupted by the sounds of the troth's waterfalls, which would spray at intermittent moments. But Eric Bana was a stunner naked. And he was joined irregularly by Daniel Craig and Clive Owen. I could not focus on Eric's partner. The sound of my shirt cuff against my shirt stomach sounded violent; there was an urgency in my yanking. In another life, I might be a master at creating forest campfires with just two sticks and some friction.

It was coming. I was coming. Relief in the release. I splurged into some folded up toilet paper. The wave of endorphins battled with my reason, which was trying to avoid staining the office uniform I was wearing. It’s remarkably difficult to aim when your brain is howling with ecstasy. I managed to secure the majority of my discharge in the bum paper, however the toilet seat was white so nobody’s to know if my unborn children are still sticking to the cool surface.

4 minutes later, when I returned to my desk, everything was new. The surfaces of the office equipment were glowing with the purity of semen. The walls were no longer a dull white but an illuminating representation of my emission, the act was complimented by the surroundings. Heaven truly is a place on earth.

Smh: R-rated games may be on shelves soon

The most violent video games around could soon be sold in Australia after the Federal Government said it was considering updating the classification system for games to include an R18+ rating.

Unlike films, magazines and other publications, there is no adult classification for games in Australia, so any titles that do not meet the MA15+ standard - such as those with excessive violence or sexual content - are simply banned from sale by the Classification Board.

Any changes to the censorship regime must be agreed to by the Commonwealth and all state and territory attorneys-general. The previous government was reluctant to put the issue on the agenda.

But a spokeswoman for the Minister for Home Affairs, Bob Debus, confirmed the issue of "whether or not to allow an R18+ classification" for games would be discussed by censorship ministers at the next Standing Committee of attorneys-general (SCAG) meeting on March 28. It will be the first time the issue is discussed since November 2005.

Claire Bowdler, spokeswoman for the Classification Board, said 18 games had been banned since 2001. Eight of the games had their bans lifted after they were modified and resubmitted.

The most recent game to be axed by the board was the sci-fi themed shooting game Dark Sector, which was refused classification this month.

The reason given by the Classification Board was that it contained graphic violence including "decapitation, dismemberment of limbs accompanied by large blood spurts, neck breaking spurts, neck breaking twists and exploded bodies with post-action twitching body parts".

Last year, Blitz: The League was banned because it contained drug use related to incentives or rewards, while Soldier of Fortune: Payback was banned for excessive violence. The ban on the latter was lifted after content changes by its publisher, Activision.

Other recently banned games include Mark Ecko's Getting Up: Contents Under Pressure (for promoting graffiti), BMX XXX (for sexual content) and Reservoir Dogs (for high levels of violence including the ability to shoot the heads off of hostages during a bank heist).

After learning of the ban on his game, millionaire New York fashion designer Mark Ecko said: "... to blame gaming for everything that is inherently wrong in our homes, in our schools and on our streets is much easier to do than to actually figure out ways to fix the systemic problems that exist within our culture."

The games industry has long argued that the censorship regime is unnecessarily draconian and prevents adults from making their own decisions as to the type of content they consume. It has called for the classification system to be harmonised across all types of media.

Research conducted by Bond University in Queensland for the industry body, the Interactive Entertainment Association of Australia (IEAA), found that the average age of Australian gamers is 28 and over 50 per cent of gamers are over 18.

Another survey of 1601 Australian households, conducted by the university in 2005, found 88 per cent of Australians supported an R18+ classification for games.

Bond University associate professor Jeffrey Brand, who authored the research, said Australia was the "only developed democracy" that did not have an adult classification for games.

He said the lack of an R18+ rating meant some games deserving of adult classification were being let through by the Classification Board as MA15+. And Australians who wanted to obtain banned games could easily source them from the internet or overseas, he said.

"These games are entering the marketplace despite the classification restriction, and so very often parents, who in some cases are the least savvy in the household about games, are unaware that this adult content exists," Dr Brand said.

But Angela Conway, spokeswoman for the Australian Family Association, said even M-rated games currently on the market had "concerning" levels of violent and sexual content.

"We would be opposed to the adoption of an R-rated category because we believe that research is pointing to the fact that these games actually do impact behaviour and psychology more easily than a film," she said.

"Our big concern is that there is a continual [positive] reinforcement for players actually acting out violent and sexual impulses ... this sort of technology has actually been used to desensitise soldiers ... and retrain them and break down their defences against killing."

Ron Curry, CEO of the IEAA, said it would be up to states and territories and games retailers to ensure those under 18 could not purchase R18+ games. He said he would "absolutely support" compulsory ID checks by stores.

http://www.smh.com.au/news/technology/violence-and-sex-may-get-thumbs-up/2008/02/22/1203467345267.html?page=2

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Fingers crossed. I, personally, would love to play a button bashing game, where the faster I pressed X the quicker my protagonist thrusted his wang in the disfigured prostitute.

Interpol - Sydney, 21st February 2008

I saw Interpol in 2005 I believe and they were efficient then and they’re efficient now. Their live show is as sharp as their tailored suits. There were ambient interludes between songs, which acted as perfect reprieves from their grainy guitars. I hope they move into a more experimental direction, because their music is becoming too clean, too safe perhaps. However, it was a solid performance (predictably), with “The Lighthouse” and “Not Even Jail” being highlights for me.

Pioneer to the Falls
Obstacle 1
C’Mere
Narc
Say Hello to the Angels
Pace Is the Trick
Slow Hands
Hands Away
Mammoth
No I in Threesome
Rest My Chemistry
The Heinrich Manoeuvre
Evil
The Lighthouse
Not Even Jail

---encore---

Untitled
Stella Was a Diver and She Was Always Down
PDA

Emily Haines - Our Hell

My favourite music video of 2007. A tearjerker for a jerk. Emily Haines is one of the Broken Social Scene crew. I hope you enjoy this milky work of art.

Sins of the Father

I went to the supermarket last night because it was 9:30 and I still hadn't eaten cause there was no food in the house. I spent about 20 minutes there getting some ingredients for pizza. Tomato paste, bases, cherry tomatoes, chicken, ham, olives. Only 1 checkout was open so I had to stand around for another 10 minutes waiting to be served.
As I'm waiting I can hear from one of the aisles
".... too many people.... fuck!" followed by a much younger sounding, "...ah yeah...".
I turn towards the horrible, nasal voices and see 45 year old Bogan Senior followed by his red-haired son Bogan Junior. They continue to chat to each other while we're all waiting in the queue.
Now for some reason the checkout conveyor belt thing wasn't working, so I slide all my groceries up towards the checkout guy and the pack of cherry tomatoes opens and 5 or so spill out. This doesn't phase me as I know the whole pack won't get eaten anyway, but for some reason Bogan Snr decides that this is a good time to talk to me.

"Ya dropped some!" He yelled at me, through a chess board smile.
"Uh, yeah, thanks. I'm not gonna eat them anyway..."
"Ah, no worries, mate! Just run some water on 'em. Good as new!"
"Yep... I don't want them."

I get to pay for my stuff and leave, but as I leave I couldn't help but think that Bogan Jnr now has no choice in his future. Thanks to his dad he's gonna grow up to be just another bogan clone. And nothing short of amnesia is gonna change how this kid turns out in life. Is it the bogan's aim in life to make it so their kids get looked down upon in everything they do? Because if it is, it's really not fair on the kids. It really is a shame you can choose your friends but not your relatives.

HAT!

So you're downtown on a Friday night. You're with friends but it's a bit of a walk between bars. You guys need to play a game. May I suggest playing 'Hat!'? Hat! is a fun game for 2 or more players. The rules of the game are simple. When you see a hat, simply yell out 'HAT!' and points will be awarded according to the ridiculousness of the called hat. It's a fun game.

Y'see I'm not exactly the most trendy guy on the planet. But that said I do think I'm pretty cool and just maybe it's because I don't wear a hat when I head downtown on a friday night. Shit, I don't wear a hat at all. That's because hats are freaking stupid. Don't get me wrong if it's super bright outside and you need a hat go ahead - wear it, just try not to look like a rapper's turd.HAT!!!

Deathly Giggles.

I work in a hospital. I'm an Orderly, this is my job title. Personally I think a more appropriate title would be "Gofer" because its generally what I am told to do my entire day. Tim 'Go For' Mr Bennett - he's due for his embolisation. Tim 'Go Fer' two paxels of O negative - Mr Bennett is bleeding out. Tim 'Gofer' Mr Bennett's right hand side - we need to hold him still to stop the seizing. And finally, Tim 'Gofer' the M-trolley - Mr Bennett needs to be taken to the morgue.

I've been present at exactly three deaths in the eleven or so months I've been an Orderly. Every time it has had an extremely profound effect. The doctors and nurses I've spoken to about it say that I will get used to it - I don't think I necessarily want to. When someone dies you can feel a presence leave the room, almost like someone really has just walked out. I'm not religious so I'm not hinting that this could be any form of soul or other spiritual happening but I do find it interesting. Another thing I always find interesting is my knee-jerk reaction whenever this occurs...I get the giggles. I assume its got something to do with being nervous. Everyone in the room is so solemn, no one knows where to look, usually the doctor will be angry and cursing. The first time I just stared at the ground, my heart was beating so fast, just moments ago the room had been so full of activity - excitement - but now everyone was still. I started getting this nervous shaking deep in the pit of my stomach, working its way up into my chest. It came out initially as a cough and everyone looked in my direction - I turned and walked out the door holding my breath all the way to the bathroom where I burst into laughter.

The second time I wasn't so lucky, I wasn't able to excuse myself as they needed the CT machine, where the patient had arrested, to continue the days work - the body needed to be taken away. A nurse and I started unplugging the various cords and leads attached the the body I was shaking, holding it in but it came out - soft whimpering giggles they even sounded ashamed. I knew the varied people in the room were taking notice but I didn't look at any of them, hiding my eyes and busying myself with whatever I could - giggling all the while. A couple of days after this I found myself speaking so the staff psychologist who said it was really nothing more than a nervous reaction - there was nothing mentally wrong with me, I could have told her that an hour ago.

So now its just something I have to put up with. By the third time I didn't bother masking it. Hey, at least it lightens the mood.

The Sopran-ohs!

Apart from Twin Peaks, I've been looking for a new 'tv series' for me to watch on dvd lately since I've finished all of the ones I own. I'm already a little bored with Lost after watching the first 2 episodes of season 4 and Heroes does nothing for me. The other day in JB HI FI I walked past The Sopranos season 6: Final Episodes dvd and couldn't help but feel a little intrigued by Tony Sopranos menacing expression on the front cover.



Look at him! What is he thinking about? What has driven him to this violent gangster rage! I'm a marketers dream, I'm such a sucker! So I thought, what the hey! I'll get season 1 + 2 Sopranos on dvd.

I have to say, What a fabulous show, I highly recommand it to anyone who hasn't watched it (I'm aware that I'm recommending a show that just finished and has been running for around 7 years).

Anyway I never noticed this while watching the show but someone very clever edited some of the phrases from the show altogether that made me laugh.

BBC News: Suck My Dick Fuck Face

Restaurant sorry over F word bill

A restaurant owner has apologised after diners had their very own F word experience - without Gordon Ramsay.

Ten friends found the abusive and sexually-explicit message on their bill at Joe Delucci's Italian restaurant in Bird Street, Lichfield, Staffordshire.

Diner Clare Watkin said she thought it was written after they complained about poor service.

The party from Walsall had gone to the restaurant on Friday. Owner Nigel Langsdon has begun an investigation.

Ms Watkin said: "I couldn't believe it. The bill read 'fish cakes', which one of us had for a starter, and it was written right above it - absolutely disgusting language.

"We actually booked the table for 8 o' clock in the evening, by the time they had taken our order it was quarter to nine and we didn't actually receive our food until quarter past 10."

She added: "I'd like a written apology from the restaurant and I'd also like some compensation.

"I think that the way that we've been spoken to is absolutely outrageous."

TV chef Gordon Ramsay's foul-mouthed diatribes on his Channel 4 show The F Word have given viewers an insight into the type of language often used in the restaurant kitchen.

Joe Delucci's owner Mr Langsdon said the message had been meant to be seen only by kitchen staff and he did not know how it ended up as an item on the receipt.

He said: "That shouldn't come out on the bill, so we've got to find out what's gone wrong there.

"But we have apologised unreservedly to the girls concerned and said that they're very welcome to come back and have a free meal and we'd like them to."
He has also offered to donate the bill for their meal to charity.

The cost of the meal came to £284.68, including a 10% service charge.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/staffordshire/7253002.stm

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I feel like they're not addressing the real issue here. They had fish cakes for starters? That's just foul.

YouTube: Benny Hinn

Waves of fun. I pretty much loathe the song that accompanies this but I can't really argue with its appropriateness: