And now, an editorial rant

You know what I hate? I mean other than reality television, people with annoying laughs and those who use the world ‘do-able’. What I hate is porn stars who think they’re comedians.

Yeah, the video starts up nicely, cute girl (or guy, or shemale if that’s your thing) and the camera pans around to give you a better view. Then, of course you have the obligatory American jackass pornographer who thinks he’s God’s gift to women and acts in an accordingly slimy manner, they make irritating small talk which you inevitably skip through, and then they get to the action. What follows is that one usually goes down on the other, making disturbingly idiotic comments which you can overlook due to the lack of a writer or any kind of acting talent, but after that it gets better, right? Wrong.

No, things are still awkward. There’s still a little tension in the air. So the girl/guy/shemale makes a little joke to break the ice. This is where the cartoon ‘screeching to a halt’ sound effects would be inserted. What the hell was that? I don’t want your lame excuses for ‘jokes’ in my video. I don’t want your nervous giggles or failed attempts at being coy. I don’t want any of that, and I don’t expect it from you. It’s exactly the same reason I don’t go to comedy clubs to see hardcore sex. For one thing, most comics aren’t attractive, and the view isn’t usually that great, but mainly it’s because you stick to what you’re good at. If you’re a natural comedian, fine, go on tour and do stand-up. If your only talent is deep-throating, then don’t act like it’s amateur night at the fucking Apollo Theatre.

More to the point, I’m watching your video for one reason, and I’m fairly sure that isn’t to laugh. If I want to watch something funny, I’ll take the Venture Bros. or Flight of the Conchords. I don't want witty repartee or banter, I don't want you to get the girl talking. The only thing I'd need to hear would be her name, so that in the event that she's actually any good, I could look up some more videos of her. I don’t need you people joking, and I don’t need your lame excuses for commentary, either. This isn’t a DVD, I don’t care about what happens ‘behind the scenes’ and I certainly don’t need the camera man to provide a running commentary about what is being inserted where.